I cry every year during Yom Kippur. At the end of the day, standing in front of the open Ark, saying a personal prayer. Every year I pray for the same thing. To rediscover my true self, where bliss resides. And that prayer moves me to tears. It is not about asking for forgiveness, or saying I will be better therefore, I deserve to be sealed into the book of life. No, it is about finding my Self that got lost along the way and forgiving myself. Its about remembering others may have to and being compassionate towards them. It’s about peeling back the layers that obstruct the view to my heart’s heart. It’s about opening and passing through those gates that metaphorically close during the Ne’eilah service. It’s about connecting back to a self that in turn connects with Gd, because I am a piece of that Divine energy.
Yom Kippur is called the Day of Atonement. In English, we use that word to mean repentance and apology. Over the year, I have made poor choices I regret and actions I am are sorry for but I have not saved up my amends for this one day. Nor do most of us, I don’t think. We realize our mistakes and try to do better every day. So instead of using Yom Kippur as a day of apology and chest beating ( although there is that too ) I prefer to change the syllabic accent from a-TONE-ment to At-One-ment.
This day reminds me that I am At One with Gd. In my innermost sanctum, my Holy of Holies I am my own high priest and perform my service so that I can feel the ecstasy of Divine spark as it settles over my ark of the Covenant. It also reminds me that I am responsible for that connection.
That is where the yoga comes in. Getting on the mat and practicing reminds us to turn inward and listen to ourselves. To acknowledge all parts and discern which truly belong to us and which are lacquer. The practice begs that we recognize our strengths and shortcomings and adjust ourselves appropriately to stay aligned with our heart of hearts. When we step off the mat we carry the yoga with us, the message in our muscle memory, to remain aligned with our true selves.
So I pray each year that I remember to align with my true self and feel the blissful feeling of being one with Gd. So that the tears will be of joy.